In my dreams lately my mother is talking to me, being nice to me. She doesn't care that I'm gay, she's happy I found someone I love and loves me. But I think that's what makes it hurt most, the fact that it's not real, that it's only in my dreams.

Melody's dad is still trying to get her to leave me by saying that I may be abusive. I make her so happy, but in his eyes that doesn't matter because I wasn't born a man. WELL FUCK THAT! I try my best at life, I try to be trust worthy, I try to be nice, but in return I mostly get shut down. Told that nothing I do matters because I'm not a man, I'm with a girl, or for the fact I won't let people manipulate me.

When I'm with Melody, when I'm holding her, when I stare into her marvelous eyes, I feel as if I am a puzzle finally finding it's missing piece. I feel right, comfortable and safe, but around us I feel a presence trying so hard to rip us apart.

Some people think that it is horrible to cut your own mother from your life, I know because I am one of them. But she decided that her new husband (who beats her, makes her cry, calls her terrible things) was more important then her child. She called me a liar, she spreads horrible rumors about the woman I love (whom she has only seen but has never talked to), she disowns me and calls me confused! I can't help but cut her from my life, otherwise she will break my heart again (which thanks to Melody it was able to heal enough to live) and the second time will kill me.

I still feel like the biggest ASSHOLE ever for not wanting her in my life, I love her for she carried me for 9 months, she gave birth to me but she has also cause me so much pain and sorrow.

Out of the 20 years I have lived, I have had horrible this happen or done to me, but the thing that hurts the most is sitting her thinking about how the many years to come will not contain my mother. I really hope that the same will not become of Melody's father. I want him apart of my life, I at least want one fatherly figure in my life who doesn't end up hurt me.

He doesn't know that Melody and I are engaged, and he still thinks little of me. It's like every time I think he is finally warming up to me he goes and talks to Melody when I'm not around and says I'm this horrible person. Ok I would understand if there was any signs of her being unhappy or any signs of her being abused, but there's NOTHING just me...